a quick update of my life for those would like to know:

no more exam already. uni life almost ended. when i get my transcript in june, i can conclude the very end of my uni life. no more last minute mugging, no more reading thick textbooks. it is kinda cool to start a new phase of your life.

on the flip side, time to find a job and get involve in the real world. graduating in this difficult time is not exactly lucky. jobs are not easy to find. so far i have been to a few interviews, but still havent gotten any confirmation of employment. waiting seems endless and it certainly causes loads of anxiety.

there is this mix feelings of ending school life and starting a working life. part of me wanna make money and be financially indepedent and even to repay my mum. however the other part of me feels that the fun of youth is now official over, and i m sure i am gonna miss those carefree days.

finally, i realise i have been picking fights with my gf more often than before, i think it could be due to those anxiety caused by the job hunt. i feel so guilty about and hope she can understand. i am sure when i got a job, and get a PR using the job, then i would be back to normal.

i have not been keeping in touch with most of you guys due to exam and everything, i hope you all are doing great. i shall organise some gatherings soon! Wait for my calls and smses people! =)

I have been teaching quite some dance classes, one of the recent new class i conducted involve my gf's family. Her grandma and her mum.

At the end of the first lesson, maybe i teach too well, grandma suddenly invite me to their reunion dinner. I am not very good at dealing with family activities, cause my family usually will be too busy with business to care much about family actitivities. Basically, my fear is that i do not know what to do during and after dinner, and what to say to the so many relatives, and how to answer questions possibily coming from eveyone who are more or less curious about this PRC bf.

I think i need a contigency plan to deal with the crisis, any adivice from my friends will be appreciated.

Scare scare...

i just don't feel like i can click with my group in school very well, at least not like those from secondary school.

to rank the level of "clickiness", 2C people seem click the best, then 4G people, then JC group, last one is SIM group.

i notice some trends in this, either the higher the education level, the harder to make real friends; or the older you get the harder to make real friends.

my theory is that as people mature, they lose their innocence and start thinking more about themselves and being distrustful of others, especially towards new made friends. the invisible wall formed prevent any sincere exchange of hearts.

on tertiary level, to me, i feel that we stay together as a so called "clique" simply because we need to. because we need people to form groups for countless projects, because we need people to help us take notes when we skip lectures (and you help because you have to, if not nobody will help you take next time when you skip yourself) and because pathetically we fear to be sitting alone in the lecture theatre.

since the approach is not due to genuine liking of each other, hence the relationship is very business, the friendship is superficial and fragile. one second we may be laughing together, the next second we may be judging each others' shortcomings. as a result, backstabbing seems common.

maybe some will find this nothing, because they can juggle well in this kind of situation. but unfortunately i can't seem to do well in that area, which sucks. because if i can, i will not be feeling so disappointed right now and write down this entry.

i don't know if you all know, i am actually a part time latin dance instructor now.

yesterday i finished my last lesson for the group chacha class for the year (new class will be starting jan 2009 cus i m flying back to china in dec), then one of the older student thanked me for being such a patient teacher and told me he really enjoyed the class.

this is really encouraging, cause he was initially an reluctant student who was dragged to the class by his wife, and now he is genuienely enjoying DANCING!

i think i have achieived what i wanted to do with my dance class, which is more dancing and fun for people, and less boring techniques.

afterall, they are not looking for many dance competition trophys like me, hee.

somehow i feel that i have the gift of teaching (self-proclaimed =P). i enjoy teaching and i enjoy teaching people in ways that they find enjoyable. i somehow will imagine i am the student and use the student's point of view when designing my suitable teaching method. by right, if i sense my interest in teaching, i should develop my carreer as a teacher, but i know i will never.

such contradiction always get me in thoughts. hmmmmmmmmm....

anyway, just a quick update, my exam is over and i am enjoying my big fat holidays, probably the last one before my graduation next june. and spending time with my gf, loads of ! and my last dance competition for the year is on 30 nov at orchid country club. and i REALLY hope i get good results. and if i do, it will be a wonderful closesure for 2008. so wish me luck!

and sorry for the run-on. haha

just watched it, and being touched by it.

totally recommended.

一九四五年十二月二十五日
友子，太阳已经完全没入了海面
我真的已经完全看不见台湾岛了
你还站在那里等我吗？

第一封

友子，请原谅我这个懦弱的男人，从来不敢承认我们两人的相爱。我甚至已经忘记，我是如何迷上那个不按规定理发，而惹得我大发雷霆的女孩了。
　　友子，你固执不讲理，爱玩爱流行，我却如此受不住的迷恋你。只是好不容易你毕业了，我们却战败了。我是战败国的子民，贵族的骄傲瞬间堕落为犯人的枷。我只是个穷教师，为何要背负一个民族的罪。时代的宿命时代的罪过，我只是个穷教师。
　　我爱你，却必须放弃你。
　　
第二封
　　第三天，该怎样克制自己不去想你。你是南方艳阳下成长的学生，我是从飘雪的北方渡洋过海的老师，我们是这么的不同，为何却会如此的相爱。我怀念艳阳，我怀念热风。
　　我尤有记忆你被红蚁惹毛的样子，我知道我不该嘲笑你，但你踩着红蚁的样子真美，像踩着一种奇幻的舞步，愤怒、强烈又带着轻佻的嬉笑。
　　友子，我就是那时爱上你的…
　　
第三封
　　我希望这时有暴风，把我淹没在这台湾与日本间的海域，这样我就不用为我的懦弱负责。友子，才几天的航行，海风所带来的哭声已让我苍老许多。我不愿离开甲板，也不愿睡觉，我心里已经做好盘算，一旦让我着陆，我将一辈子不愿再看见大海。
　　海风啊，为何总是带来哭声呢？爱人哭、嫁人哭、生孩子哭，想着你未来的幸福我总是会哭。只是我的泪水，总是在涌出前就被海风吹干。涌不出泪水的哭泣，让我更苍老了。
　　可恶的风，可恶的月光。可恶的海。
　　十二月的海总是带着愤怒，我承受着耻辱和悔恨的臭味，陪同不安静的晃荡。
　　不明白我到底是归乡，还是离乡。

第四封
　　傍晚，已经进入了日本海，白天我头痛欲裂。可恨的浓雾，阻挡了我一整个白天的视线。而现在的星光真美，记得你才是中学一年级小女生时，就胆敢以天狗食月的农村传说来挑战我月蚀的天文理论吗？
　　再说一件不怕你挑战的理论。你知道我们现在所看到的星光，是自几亿光年远的星球上所发射过来的吗？哇，几亿光年发射出来的光，我们现在才看到，几亿光年的台湾岛和日本岛又是什么样子呢？山还是山，海还是海，却不见了人。我想再多看几眼星空，在这什么都善变的人世间里，我想看一下永恒。
　　遇见了要往台湾避冬的乌鱼群，我把对你的相思寄放在其中的一只，希望你的渔人父亲可以捕获。友子，尽管它的气味辛酸，你也一定要尝一口，你会明白…我不是抛弃你，我是舍不得你。
　　我在众人熟睡的甲板上反复呢喃，我不是抛弃你，我是舍不得你。
　　
第五封
　　天亮了，但又有何关系。反正日光总是带来浓雾，黎明前的一段恍惚，我见到了日后你韶华已逝，日后的我发秃眼垂，晨雾如飘雪，覆盖了我额上的皱纹，骄阳如烈焰，焚枯了你秀发的乌黑，你我心中最后一点余热完全凋零。
　　友子…请原谅我这无用的身躯。
　　
第六封
　　海上气温16度，风速12节，水深97米。已经看见了几只海鸟，预计明天入夜前我们即将登陆。友子…我把我在台湾的相簿都留给你，就寄放在你母亲那儿，但我偷了其中一张，是你在海边玩水的那张，照片里的海没风也没雨，照片里的你，笑得就像在天堂，不管你的未来将属于谁，谁都配不上你。原本以为我会将美好回忆妥善打包，到头来却发现我能携走的只有虚无，我真的很想你。
　　啊，彩虹。但愿这彩虹的两端足以跨越海洋，连接我和你。

第七封
　　友子，我已经平安着陆。七天的航行，我终于踏上我战后残破的土地，可是我却开始思念海洋，这海洋为何总是站在希望和灭绝的两个极端。这是我最后的一封信，待会我会把信寄出去，这容不下爱情的海洋，至少还容得下相思吧。
　　友子，我的相思你一定要收到，这样你才会原谅我一点点。我想我会把你放在我心里一辈子，就算娶妻、生子、在人生重要的转折点上，一定会浮现…你提着笨重的行李逃家，在遣返的人潮中，你孤独地站着，你戴着那顶存了好久的钱才买来的白色针织帽，是为了让我在人群中发现你吧。
　　我看见了…我看见了…你安静不动的站着，你像七月的烈日，让我不敢再多看你一眼。你站得如此安静，我刻意冰凉的心，却又顿时燃起。我伤心，却不敢让遗憾流露。我心里嘀咕，嘴巴却一声不吭。我知道，思念这庸俗的字眼，将如阳光下的黑影，我逃他追，我追他逃…一辈子。
　　我会假装你忘了我，假装你将你我的过往像候鸟一般从记忆中迁徙，假装你已走过寒冬迎接春天，我会假装…一直到自以为一切都是真的。
　　然后…祝你一生永远幸福。

i didnt realise i have not been updating this blog for so long, guess i m just too busy with projects, assignments, dance teaching and dance performance.

Here is a quick update of what is going to happen to me:

This Sunday is my big dance compeition, hope can perform well and get something!

One day after that will be the start of my exam! It will last for 2 weeks.

Nov 10 will be my last paper... i look forward to it...

Then i guess i will be relaxing and preparing for another competition on Nov 30. Yea, kinda keep on competiting... addicted already...

Dec 1, i will be flying back to China.

Dec 16, i will be back to Singapore, and then might plan a trip to thailand to look see look see my friend. Hopefully, Tim will finish his exam by then and redhill tigers will be going together.

yup, thats abt it.

See you when i see you!

I wonder if it is the same for other people, but personal space is pretty improtant to me. It is a time for me to do my stuffs, to breathe, to pay attention to the surroundings, to do self reflection and to let my creativity run wild. I will find it so cool to be able to do that. If i can't, then i will feel so uncool. And you don't wanna know what i will do when i'm uncool. hehe.

In a love relationship, people start to stick together most of the time, i guess it is fine, but don't over do it, let the love be free for a while, let it rest, and it will come back afresh. I'm certain this will work, at least to me.

Maybe guys and girls have different degree of stickiness. Girls tend to stick more than guys do, generally. But i do see some guys stick to their girlfriends a lot, which in my opinion, totally uncool. What can you achieve as a man when you stick to your girlfriend 24/7? You don't have time to reflect your mistakes, you don't have time to learn new things to improve yourself, you don't have time to work towards your goals and at a less internal level, you don't even have time to create new ways to make her happy.

I always believe in 'absence make the heart grow fonder'. When i search about it, I found this online which is quite true.

"...absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. It makes me miss that person more, and when I see her again it feels fresh. You look forward to meeting the person again. It's like a mini falling in love with each getting 2gether cuz there isn't the tiredness that can come from being with each other 24/7. I think the heart likes that longing and aching for the other...bittersweet sweetness...and it loves that feeling of reuniting...I like the absence and the coming together again."

Let me end this post with the following:

In the words of "The Prophet" by Kalil Gilbran:

"But let there be space in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from the same cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be Joyous, but let each one of you be alone.

Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

After 3 weeks of toture, exam is done.

Almost die of depression due to too much studying alone at home. My friend told me his gf can continuous study everyday from morning to night for 2 months for her exam... Is she sane?

Anyway, I don't think results will be fantastic, haha, but who cares really. Once holidays begins, everyone start forgetting what textbooks look like already...

I have a few plan for the holidays like, to dance (another competition in june), to meet up (so many long-time-no-see debts to clear), to gym (love fattens me), to read (it's getting empty up my head), to date (will get killed for not doing that haha), to play games (so many unfinish business), to start business (no money already)... Hopefully i have enough time for all the activities.

For those having holidays too, spend it well and enjoy!!

Life has been hectic, dance pratices, assignments, projects deadlines, those usual things for a student. I guess that explains why i have been blogging less these days, i am sure it is the same for you guys too.

Another reason for less or no entry is because something big happened to me on 14 Feb, so i have been spending lots of my time on it. Well i cant reveal it just yet, but after i turned 25 on 19 Mar, i will uncloud the mystery. Let's be patient. And speculation is welcome, hahaha.

Anyway, my aim of getting HD for all the subjects this sem is getting unrealistic the moment i submitted my last minute assignment. So sad... but i think only the procrastinator is to be blamed. Why is it so difficult to start assignments and revisions early? I have been trying the cultivate this habit, but i have yet to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Any wise man around to give me some golden tips?

Oh, another big issue recently is that i have been spending like mad. I cant seem to control my mum's hard earned money from flowing out of my wallet. I think Taxi is the biggest sucker of my wealth, follow by restaurants. And the restaurant trips have been proven effective to help my piggy bank lose weight while help me to gain weight. That is really bad... for my six packs.

I think i will go back to diet coke and 3/4 low carbo meal, then stuff myself with fruits. To those who really wanna lose fats, low carbo meals really works like magic!

Okay, enough for random thoughts, i should go back to my research. Bye bye.



PS: Sorry my friends, i promise to meet up with your guys soon. No more excuses...